Tis The Season To Be Profiling...

He stood on my right. She stood on my left. And I stood in the middle... which you probably figured out. As we walked into the Pawn Shop, She split to the other side of the store, he went right to the counter, and I glided on over to the guitars. Picture it, three people came into the store, two people already there. And who do you think the salesman chose follow? Me, the only black guy in the store. There were guys there who looked like they were ready to steal something. Shifty eyes, watching every move the salesman made, homeless, raddy clothes, etc. But he followed me.

I know the drill. I worked retail at a music store. If you think that someone is there to steal something, you go and stand by them to intimidate them. It's effective when done properly and annoying when done badly. This guy was very very very very bad at it.

So I decided to have some fun.

I began walking all over the store, very quickly. I picked up things and went to stand by other people and asked them questions. They looked at me funny because there was a salesman right next to me. But I was ignoring him. So I went up to the counter and asked the lady there. Then I began walking in a figure eight up and down a couple of aisles. This guy tried to keep up with me! I then went and sat on the floor. He stood next to me, looking rather tired. So I stood up, leaned over to him and said, "are your tired of following me yet? I can do this all day you know. And we could both use the exercise" He looked embarrased and upset. I smiled and said. "I used to have to do this too. But while you were following me around because I was black, that white guy over there looks like he might have pocketed something." He looked and me and hurried over to stand by the white guy... but continued to stare at me."

So with a spring in my step and a big huge smile on my face, I began to walk towards the door.

But before I made it all the way out of sight, I said loudly, "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!"

I figured that I may as well give them a different reason to be upset.

Oh yeah... about the concert...

Thanks for your prayers! The concert went... well.... wonderfully! Cedar in the air, voice out of control due to allergies, guitar acting up... and the list goes on...

So I shouldn't be surprised that God did great things.

He seems to love the underdog. I think He gets a kick out of doing that thing that Joseph talked about in the Bible; taking things and people that look like they're going down the drain and turning the whole situation around!

I was struggling a bit vocally, so I switched to some of my stand up comedy that I practice everyday on the unsuspecting people that I work and worship with. It seems to really have blessed the congregation. Well, they laughed.

The speaker for the evening said more in 15 minutes than I've heard most preachers say in an hour. He was absolutely awesome in raising the awareness about abortion and its effect on our society. I know I have both pro-choice and pro-life friends who read this blog. I don't know if Clayton could convince you pro-choice people, but I know he would try, and most likely succeed with many of you.

It was a good night of emotional, mental and spiritual healing. At the end of the night, my voice came back for the last half of the concert. And God ministered in a lot of ways. It was good. I'm so glad that God chooses to use humans in His plans, and that we as humans can choose to partner with God in His purposes...

Read the previous post for more info about the last statement....

Human?

Now why did she have to say that...

Concert, Belton, TX. One of my dearest friends gets up to do the introduction. I'm feeling good, top of my game! Got it together musically, know what I want to say....

She gets up and says (paraphrasing), "I've known Brad for a long time. He's an awesome man of God, he listens to the Spirit. I know he's just human... but God uses him to do great things."

I think I'm going to write that down and put it up everywhere I go. Actually, I think I'll write a song about it. Remind myself! God already knows that I am human. He made me that way. He's been here and knows that the flesh wars against the spirit. Or in other words, the humanity in me wars against the divinity in placed in me by Him.

I forget that. For some reason, I think my flesh is always supposed to enjoy obeying God. That I'm supposed to just line up with everything He says without a word of complaint. And when I don't, I seem to be surprised. We all do. Why? One minister used to pray, "God, you know that I will fall to Your enemy if I do not stay by Your side. So let Your rod and Your staff be brought to bear on my life." That was a paraphrase too. I understand. Great Shepherd, I keep wandering off like a sheep... You already know that sheep have tendency to be led astray. We are easily distracted. That's why you have the rod and staff in the first place..."

Wait! I went from being human to being a sheep. Did I lose anyone? Maybe because it only works as an analogy. We, like sheep, have gone astray. But they are animals... we are not. They are victims of their own instincts, we are not. As humans, through the light of God, we have the ability to choose to walk in the spirit and rise above the basest parts of our nature, and follow God. As humans, we can choose to hear and obey or not. I am not an animal. I am a human being.

No, I am not some animal that is easily led astray, unless I allow myself to be. I have the law of God written on my heart and the power of God available to help me live a life of holiness. But it is a choice to follow God. I, as a human, must make that choice. And when my choice is to follow God, then God sends the Holy Spirit to help me walk the road I have chosen. The road that He has prepared for me to walk. He walks on ahead, and I follow... or not.

So, no excuses then. God does know that I am human and I may fall. I know that too. But I can't relax and say, well that's the way it is. Go figure. No. Because I am human, and infused with the Holy Spirit, I must choose sides in the battle between the flesh and the spirit. I must cling to one master and let the other one go. And when my first master tries to return, he must be seen as an invader, the enemy, the wolf. I cannot pat him on the head and smile as he seeks to deceive me again. I know his nature already. I must recognize that the longing for his old ways are based on habit and convenience, and he will use any trick he can to regain control over me. He wants me back under his sway.

I must say, "I have renounced you! You are no longer my master. I do not belong to you." I will drag him to the cross of Christ and remind him that he is powerless to stop what God is doing in me. Then I must drag him and me to the altar of God and stay there until only one of us rises. And I guarantee you, it will not be him. That's the weight of being human that many try to avoid by saying we're just animals. There is no choice to make. But being human, I must make choices daily, sometimes several times a day, if I am ever to reach the full potential of my humanity as designed by my Creator. And what is that full potential? Tell them Magdaly...

"I know he's just human... but God uses him to do great things."

Yeah... Well done thy good and faithful servant! Well done!

I'm here... or am I?

Ok, I'm back... or am I?

The phrase "I think. Therefore I am" really boils down to "I think I am."

From what I have read, Descartes, the man behind the comment was a brilliant philosopher with much to offer to the world.

But somewhere, somehow, he decided that the only thing he could be sure of was that "I am". And the only way he know that was true, was that he thought it up himself...

(Hang on! I'm going somewhere with this.... )

He thought life was just an illusion, a cosmic uncertainty of which he could only be certain of his own thoughts. So in the end, after a life of distinction, he is best known his famous phrase... a phrase that refutes itself. For if the illusion is so strong that he can't tell reality from fiction, then how can he trust his own thoughts?

(You still hanging on? We're rounding third base! Almost home now.)

Sometimes I live like life is an illusion. Sometimes I get caught in the feeling that it's too hard to trust others. What if they are going to deceive me, fail me, hurt me, hate me, and the list goes on. I laugh at Mr. Philosopher dude for coming up with such insane babbling and yet, after much thought, I realize that he really may have held up a mental mirror of my own insane thoughts.

We watch life from a distance. We don't touch! We don't feel. I sat in church the other day and realized that it was possible to walk through the doors, sit through a service, and walk right back out without ever touching another person emotionally, physically or spiritually. I know. I've done it.

("Slide! Slide man! Slide!" Sliding into home plate!)

So back to the real challenge of life, to engage. To shake off the illusion, take the pill and wake up to the harsh realities of love, pain, joy and sorrow. To live a life where love is equated with intimacy not just poetry. Engage! Stop dating so many things in my life and make some committments for life. Engage! To get in the boat and trust when the Master says, we're going to the other side. Engage! Sit next to people who may smell good or bad, but who live in the same bubble of fear of the illusion that I do. Walk up to them, and tap on the glass.

"Tap, tap, tap,?" Anybody home? I think there is, therefore there must be. Right?


(And he's SAFE!!!! - I think...)

Our God Will Answer

I rarely go for the straight doctrinal/scripture thing here. I try to be creative and spontaneous and weird... uh.. strange.... uh.... anyway....

But this hit me hard.

In two weeks we will be experiencing a Sunday night meeting called the Altar. It will happen once a month and will be a defining moment for many people's relationship with the Lord. It's worship and prayer. It's a time of personal and public surrender. We will seek the Lord while He may be found and call upon Him while He is near. We His people called by His name have chosen to humble ourselves and pray and seek His face and turn from our wicked ways so that we can hear from Heaven. And so that He will move His hand and heal our land.

While designing the logo, I thought of Elijah and the prophets of Baal. The rain had not fallen for a looooong time. There were prophets of God in the Land. There were people of God doing His work. In fact, when Elijah did the poor me thing a few chapters later, God reprimanded him for thinking that He did not have it all under control.

What struck me was the boldness of Elijah. Let's see whose God answers by fire. And once he confronted the idol worshippers in Israel, God moved and showed His power. Then the people rose up and destroyed the prophets of Baal and the idol worshippers. But then... and this is what gets me. Then the saw a cloud about the size of a man's hand. Here was this big answer of fire and suddenly, the only cloud in the sky is a little one. What a let down for the people. But then came the downpour!

I hope that things go the way God wants them to go on Sunday, October 23rd. I hope that people see, feel and sense the fire of God falling down on the altar of our hearts and burning up the idols. But I also hope that after the altar, no one gets discouraged that they only see a small cloud of change on the horizon. If there's anything we should have learned by now through the scriptures, we should see that whether it's a little cloud, five loaves, two fishes, or one surrendered heart, God can bring a flood of change through small beginnings. Our God will answer... in His own way.

"Raindrops keep falling on my head."

For Dawn, Joseph, Alison and all...

Praying for You!
Words and Music by Brad Irons
Copyright Brad Irons 2005

I can't help it I keep losing sleep over you. Something in my mind is reaching out for you. On the altar of my heart I'll see this through.

You don't have to say a word or tell me why. I can see the trail of tears that mark your eyes. It's a burden that you cannot bear alone.

So I'm praying for you cause you know I love you.


You keep thinking that no one will understand. Let me take it to the only one who can. We can call on Him and know that He is there.

God is faithful even when we feel alone. He has promised in our weakness He is strong. I cast my cares on Him I know He cares for you.

So I'm praying for you, cause you know I love you.


He cares for you! He is there for you!


So I'm praying for you, cause you know I love you. I'll be staying on my knees just for you, cause you know I love you."

The SPAM Files

Spam is a semi-meat product that many people like cooked and some eat right out of the can. However, many can't stand it. So if you're one of those people who have never tasted it, you have no basis from which to comment.

Nowadays, spam is something you get in your inbox regularly. It's in our email diet. It's a mixture of half baked stories and rumors. It looks like kind of like the real thing, but you just aren't sure. All that to say, I received this in a spam email, but it was so powerful and positive that I think it fixed some deep things inside of me. I hope it does the same for you.


FROM THE SPAM FILES

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20 bill?" Hands started going up. He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first, let me do this. He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. He then asked, "Who still wants it?" Still the hands were up in the air.

Well, he replied, "What if I do this?" And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?" Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson. No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. It was still worth $20. Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. We feel as though we are worthless. But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, but by WHO WE ARE. You are special- Don't EVER forget it."

Sometimes spam is good!

Suspicious Minds (Free At Last?)

So I'm sitting there feeling guilty.

My boss is looking around the room. Not at anyone in particular... Just around. "Someone has stolen our company laptop."

Of course I hadn't stolen the laptop. But I felt guilty. Anyone else ever have the problem? Well, I had another problem, too. Here I am, a black guy amongst all these other colors... I, interracially married Brad Irons. Me, Mr. Black worship leader for a majority white church. Me, Mr. have acoustic guitar, will travel. I felt defensive. I felt nervous. Surely, my mind said, they would suspect me. Why? I'm black and I like computers. We don't have a butler so they can't say he did it. That just leaves me.

I took a deep breath. I wanted to say it wasn't me. But, isn't that what guilty people say? So I didn't say anything. Guilt, guilt, go away. Come again some other day.

Then our local business bigot walked into the room. No secret there. We all know it. I think I'm the first black person he's ever liked. He looked at me, ready to say something he thought would be funny. But I am sure my look gave him a reason to return to the department he had come from.

Why am I struggling with this? My boss is not prejudice. He's a very reasonable man. The people there don't seem to have a problem with me (maybe one or three exceptions). There was no evidence for my irrational fear of being accused. But it was there. Especially when my friend Larry (remember him from previous blogs?) came up and said, "Hey, Brad. I hear you have a laptop for sale." I knew he was kidding But I was suddenly aware of all eyes on me. But... wait... it's not accusation. That felt bad for me. They felt it too?

One person jumped immediately into the conversation. "Like Brad would do something like that." She was offended for me. Defensive for me. I thought about that. IT wasn't just me.

So over 30 years after MLK, I'm still sitting here wondering if I will be accused of something based on my color while my co-workers noticeably try not to look at me because they think I may feel... uh ... like I feel and they don't want to hurt me.

I am amused to say the least. But I still feel guilty.

Two flats...

One flat, easily fixed. Two flats leave you dumbfounded. You have one spare, two flats. Neither tire is fixable. So you're stuck.

Remember HALT? I see now that this is a very good thing to pay attention to. I understood it as I swerved. Didn't hit anyone, but I did find the curb. It was a nice high curb. But I prefered it to hitting people who felt they could survive a one on one with a car.

But I have to ask my self if I reacted slowly because I was tired. They came out of nowhere? Or did I just take a while to realize that they didn't see me coming? I guess I came out of nowhere.

And mentally nowhere is where I was. Listening to Bill O'Reilly, generally letting my mind flow to whatever and whenever. Not being an alert driver. Flat number one.

And there they were, walking, not being alert pedestrians. Flat number two.

Tragedy almost ensued.

Two wrongs led me to a right... I took a right turn to miss them and... BOOM!!! Hit the curb. Two flats! So what do I do? I went home. It was two flats. There was no other real answer for me
!
Is there a moral? Maybe. It goes like this...

We have dreams, and they survive a hit or two. But one day we look and our dream has two flats. We can't move it. We can't drive it. It is stationary. Frustration may try to set in. We may find ourselves walking home as people speed by us on the way to their dreams. It does no good to stay at the car and try to fix it because we can't. Not by ourselves. It's gonna take more than faith. It will take help from others. IF we are prideful, we will waste time wrestling the impossible. But if we give it up to God quickly, He can orchestrate the answer. Not give up our dreams. Give up our plans and solutions.

So I walk home. I sit here. I pray. And the phone rings. It is a friend calling to tell me some news. I immediately seize the day and ask for help. And lo and behold. I get it. I wouldn't have been here to get the call if I had been out there fighting my two flats. Instead, God let me come home, pray, and be available when the phone rang. Sometims it's not who you know, or what you know. Sometimes it's simply if you're home when opportunity knocks.

"Good things come to those that wait. Not to those who hesitate. So hurry up and wait upon the Lord." - Petra, "More Power To Ya"

Sock Heaven - lyrics and music by Steve Taylor

Ok, here's the song I promised. Most people probably won't get it. But misfits lost in the dryer, take heart. God has got a place up in sock heaven. I'll explain later, but feel free to write what you think it means. Hint: The second verse is about the band he played in, that did well but broke up because something just wasn't right... he couldn't put a finger on it. I love parables and allegories! My favorite line is when they tell him, "If you can't act it Misfit, you don't belong here" Definitely have had that feeling before.

Verse 1
Out of the wringer, into the dryer
Spins the clothes higher
Squeezing out static and shocks
Little stockings tumbling 'round together
Couldn't cling forever
Now I'm missing one of my socks

Lord, where do they go?

chorus:
One pile waits with their god in a box
The other pile nervously mocks heaven
Misfits lost in the dryer, take heart
Maybe there's a place up in sock heaven

Verse 2
Out of the wringer, into the dryer
Couldn't just retire
Had to try tempting the fates
One little band spinning 'round together
Couldn't cling forever
God, I think I'm losing my mates

Seven good years, followed by a feeling I'd hit the glass ceiling
Maybe I'd best disappear
Pick any market
Pick a straitjacket
If you can't act it
Misfit, you don't belong here

Lord, where do we go?

(chorus)
Didn't want a platform to build a new church
Didn't want a mansion in rock heaven
Didn't want more than to be understood
Maybe there's a place up in sock heaven

Lord, where do we go?

Verse 3
We're gathered here to ask the Lord's blessing
Maybe not his blessing
Maybe we're not asking at all
Out of the box with every good intention
Did you fail to mention
This time we were destined to crawl?
And every day that we died just a little more
I was sure you were sovereignly watching us dangle
I don't get it now
But I'll get it when
In sock heaven I see it all from your angle

(chorus)
God's got his saints up in sock heaven

Editing the book of Psalms...

What an idea for a song...

When the spirit of the Lord moves upon my heart, I will cry like David cried...

Nope... not going to be popular.

I found out from my last post that people actually read this thing. So the temptation is to not say things that might be true but not politically correct. To only express joy, never sadness or insecurity or doubt.

But I like that hymn. Yield not to temptation....

No one said anything bad about the blog... in fact,I really appreciate some of the comments made and emailed to me personally.

But this is not a blog with five steps for living the victorious Christian life. It's a place where I can ramble. And maybe, maybe... someone will read it and relate, maybe not feel so alone. Maybe someone feels like me sometimes and prays there's a place up in Sock Heaven. I'll post those lyrics so that people understand.

Life is like a box of chocolates. Actually life is like the book of Psalms. Up. Down. Sometimes almost manic. Maybe being a musician, or just a creative person in general, I understand the swinging tunes David writes. Swing to depression, sing of God's love. God bless the people. God wipe out my enemies. Mercy and Grace... all under the eye of God. Safe in His arms, still afraid of the night.

Some people might want to edit the book of Psalms. Let's keep "How Majestic Is Your Name" and toss "Have mercy on me O God!" I like both. I need both. I need them all. I am them all. Maybe that's why I write. To chronicle a walk of mercy through a land of Grace... Amazing Grace... Amazing Graceland... Sounds like a song...

HALT

Never let yourself get too:

Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired.

These are the signals to watch out for. Ignore them at your own peril. Close your eyes to them as you walk across the landscape of life and you will find yourself looking up from the bottom of a well.

This week, I was hit by the L-train.

It's funny when you think about it. I have only a few people in my life I consider really good friends, but tons of people who consider me a good friend. But I talk to few people on a deep level. Usually there's not enough time. I haven't had time to talk to many people this week. I can feel the dangerous insulaton of isolation.

So I don't talk much past the surface. But like many creative types, I think so deeply that if I am not careful, I can wrestle with depression. And that makes me not want to be around people, so I won't bring them down. And that makes me lock myself inside of myself and lock others out... which begins the spiral. Next thing I know, I hear an echo of my own voice... and the dripping of water.

Wells are good if you want to hear the echoes of your own thoughts, but bad if you actually want to go anywhere or do something about them.

So this post is the first step out. It's the first foot on the brick. It's the grip on the rope ready to pull myself out of the dark of the well. And ready and pull and pull and pull.

Staying down here is not an option. I hear snakes can fall in wells at night.... scary!

Pull faster pull faster

Weird Thought for the Day...

What happens if everyone takes the road less travelled?

Locked out and locked in with Larry

As Job said, "the thing that I have feared has come upon me."

I sat and stared at my keys. They were glistening in the sun. The glass from the window added to their silver charm. It was a beautifully serene scene only marred by the fact my keys were in the ignition on the other side of the glass and I was locked out.

All I could here was that "Here's your sign" song playing in my head.

I tried everything I had seen before (hanger, sticks, prayer) except cursing. I've never tried that but I've seen others do it and it's not very effective. I finally went inside and started ask if any body had a slim jim (I really didn't want to be doing the lock smith thing.) No luck. So I went back outside.

Suddenly, Larry, one of the guys in the plant, ran outside. He walked right up to the van and began working on unlocking it. Within 1 minute he had the locks popped with no damage to the car. I was sooooooooooooo grateful. "Thanks!" I told him.

"No, thank you!" He replied. I was a tad confused.

"For what?"

"All those times you've helped me when I needed it." I suddenly had flashbacks of helping him with computers, with being on the phone with his daughter at UT Austin acting as tech support for her freshman year. I smiled inside because I really didn't remember all these things until now. I had no tally so I had never tried to remind him of all I had done. Christians should be helpful... people should be helpful. That's how my parents raised me and what I believe is one of the lessons in the Bible. Now, here he was running to my rescue. He had been keeping a tally, and it was his chance to help me. By simply being kind and helpful, I was somehow locked into his thinking to the point that he ran out to help me too. I began to examine my life and pray that I had been an example worth remembering.

We can preach all we want. We can cry, scream and turn blue. But sometimes it just comes down to basic needs and kindness. Before I preach another sermon, I'm going to try to be a sermon that my friends can read. Not a profound revelation, but definitely productive one.

Free Will, Aetheist and Words That End in "ic"

So the guy says to me, "I don't believe in God!"
And I thought, "Definitely an atheistic point of view."

"...And I don't believe in free will", he continued.
And I thought, "A calvinistic atheistic point of view? Wow!"

"Let me tell you what I think!", he said.
And I thought, "An evangelistic, calvinistic atheistic point of view! Wow!"

He went on. "What kind of a choice is 'do what I say or die?' That's not free will. What kind of a choice is that?"
And I thought, "A pessimistic, fatalistic, evangelistic, calvinistic, atheistic point of view."

I notice that atheists spend a lot of time being mad at someone they don't believe in.

Back to our story already in progress...

I responded. "Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better." Caught him completely off guard. Then I responded to his confusion. "So free will is only free will if both choices are good? What if I said to my son you can take the car but wear your seat belt and drive safely, and he doesn't. If uses his free will to drive 120, hits a wet spot and loses control, he might die. Can the father be blamed because the children don't listen to his explanation and get hurt? Why does it have to be two good choices? That's not free will."

The guy is not dumb and is very sincere. I can tell he was contemplating my argument. Then he changed the subject. Then he changed directions and walked away. My prayer is that he was changed in some small way. Maybe open in some small way to the Truth. Don't know, but I pray for him all the time.

So I guess you can say that I'm optimistic about my pessimistic, fatalistic, evangelistic, calvinistic, atheistic friend. I hope he never gets into magic or new age. I'd hate to add sadistic mystic to the listic.... I mean, to the list.

Top Ten Things... List 1 - Weird Thoughts of the Day

Here are my top ten weird thoughts of the last day...

10. I have trouble playing in the key of C# (C sharp), and I wear glasses. Are these things related?

9. Am I taller after I "stretch"? Or does it all just snap back into place and I'm still just as short as before?

8. God doesn't have to love me... He chooses to.

7. Why is the "e" silent in the word Friends? Couldn't they have just spelled it Frinds? It may have ruined that old McDonalds commercial but that's a small price to pay to not keep mispelling that word.

6. What came first, the chicken or the pig? Eggs or bacon?

5. Who was the first person to decide that food would taste better if you threw it on the fire?

4. Why do Superman and Batman wear their underwear on the outside? Whose idea was that? Spiderman and Captain America don't! And by the way, why does Batman need a belt to hold up full body tights?

3. Ok, There's braille on the buttons at the ATM drive thru. Even if a blind guy walks up and uses the buttons, how can he read what's on the screen?

2. If you put an raw egg in a cup of coke, it will hard boil the egg. And we drink this? Is this another way to do Easter eggs?

1. My headache medication has "headaches" listed as one of the side effects.

God's Waiting Room (or "Finally relating to something in the Song of Solomon besides the mushy stuff...")

Ok, no story this time.

So here I sit in God's waiting room. I thought my number was 696, but I had it upside down - 969. So I thought I was next only to find out that I still have a ways to go. It was that horrible four letter word that we all hate to hear... WAIT.

By the Spring of 2006, I wanted to be walking into my first official classroom as the teacher. I've been the student most of my life. But thanks to some last minute surprises (thanks OU for not hurrying with those transcripts!). I will have to... WAIT.

I have my bag full of scriptures about waiting... Let's see... "all things work together..., let patience have her perfect work..., those who wait upon the Lord... your hair is like a flock of goats..." Wait, where did that come from? How'd the Song of Solomon get into my book of relevant scriptures on patience? What does that book have to do with waiting and wanting something really bad?... Oh yeah.... that's right. Forgot about that... Talk about wanting something real bad! Those characters can make you blush! But I get it.

So it's not a girl I'm after. (My wife is happy about that.) I can still relate with having to wait for something your heart desires. Maybe I haven't given that book a lot of credit. I think I'll go read it again... I just gotta make it through all that mushy stuff! Haven't those people ever heard of coodies? I guess instead of get a room, someone told them to get a book.... book a room? Whatever... If you didn't get it, just wait a while. It'll come to you.

The Misadventures of Rambling John: Episode 3 - In Due Season

Episode 3

"Mr. Joe?" A teenager had forced her way through the crowd of complainers. Eventually, her parents found her and stood by her side. "Mr. Joe, we just wanted to tell you how much we love and appreciate you. Yesterday, I was on the edge of making a bad decision..." The parents began to tear up. "I was lonely." The teenager continued. "I didn't feel I had a friend in the world. To make a long story short, I went to the bathroom and found some pills. I could almost hear the voices in my head saying, no one cares.. no one cares... But then... " she pauses and smiles. "Then I began to hear something else... a song in my heart... 'who am I that you are mindful of me, that you hear me when I call?' I recognized it. It was that Friend of God song you like so much that you sing over and over. "

RJ suddenly realizes that something in the tone of the voices had changed. What was going on? He opens his eyes only to be surrounded by an entire squad of armed angels. And every sword was pointed at him. "Don't move." charged the lead angel. RJ didn't move. But he could hear. And what he heard was weeks of work wearing down this worship leader going down the toilet!

"I started singing," she continued..."the only part I could really remember... I am a friend of God... He calls me friend. And I started to cry so I sung it again... and again and again for over an hour. When my parents came home, they found me lying on the floor of my room, crying and singing with a spilled bottle of pills to the left of me. I had realized that I had a friend and that He loved me. So I asked him o make the words real to me. To be my friend. To come into my heart. And he did. I'm different.. changed. I sometimes still feel the loneliness, but I know that He is there. The parents and teenager moved closeer and hugged Joe with a power that touched everyone around them. One by one the congregation began to hold Joe and the family until a large football huddle of a crowd had gathered in the center of the room.

The lead angel smiled at RJ. "I'm guessing that this wasn't part of your plan?" RJ just stared back at him and hissed.

"Why do you guys always show up? I almost had him! He would have been bitter! Quit the ministry! Stopped doing music. Blamed the church! It would have been a glorious victory. But instead I've been defeated by you." In response, all the angels began laughing! "What's so funny?" RJ screams.

"You weren't defeated by us!"

"Oh really," RJ stares at the very big gleaming broadsword currently aimed at his own face. "Well, tell me what defeated me then."

The angels all glance over their shoulders at the tearful crowd holding the young teenage girl and her family and the once discouraged worship leader. "You were defeated by a kind word... in due season." He smiles at the young teenager..." And a child shall lead them..."

The Misadventures of Rambling John: Episode 2 - In Due Season

"Young man!!!! Young man!!!! " Joe groaned as she rushed to him, stopping nearly nose to nose. "That music was too loud, too fast and too new. I like the familiar stuff, son. It's like a warm blanket. Stop singing those new songs and 'give me that old time religion!'

"But the scripture says to sing a new song..."

"We're not talking scripture son! We're talking worship service. Don't be talking doctrine to me. I can't feel doctrine! And I can't feel the spirit when you do those new songs. Those old songs are like..."
Episode 2

"... A warm blanket... yes maam, I know." She heads off in a huff, leaving Joe even more depressed than before. RJ ushers more people towards Joe. "No, ma'am, I didn't realize the music was so loud. Yes sir, I do check out these songs in scripture. Yes, I like hymns, and we do do them from time to time. No, we can't turn the guitars up louder and rock the house..."

RJ rolls on the floor laughing with delight. Soon Joe will be covered in the muck and the mire of ohers and he'll carry that frustration and pain home, and pour it on his wife and kids until the entire situation... stinks. The thought doubles him over with laughter.

"My name is RJ," he giggles to himself, "And I specialize in spreading crap. And at this rate, this guys walk with the Lord will be in the toilet. He'll be so mad at the congregation, that he won't want to lead them in worship. Or if he does, he will do it with resentment, anger and frustration. That will transfer across the spiritual connection, tot he worship team, the church, his family.... And if I can do this just right, I might even be able to get him to fuss and yell at the congregation for "not worshipping right!" and rush the resentment along like the roaring rapids of a river! What a glorious day! He starts singing "Another One Bites the Dust" while trying to catch his breath and wipe the tears from his eyes. He slaps himself on the back with pride. And that is probably why RJ never saw it coming.

The Misadventures of Rambling John: Episode 1 - In Due Season

Rambling John, the demonic Department Head of the Gossip, Slander and Discouragement Division of WAC (Whiners And Complainers.) wears his nickname proudly. Originally named John Toadstool, he began ascending (descending?) the ladder of power at WAC. His ruthlessness and efficiency earned him the moniker "Rambling John" because, like a overflowing port-a-potty rocking on the back of a flatbed trailer, he was good at taking other people's crap and throwing it everywhere.

He was still basking in the glow of last weeks accomplishments in Big "D" Texas. Playing on the weakness of several parishioners, he had managed to drive a pastor into early retirement. Think of it, all that wisdom and experience out on a fishing boat in the gulf instead of in the church watering the immature. Wonderful!

This time RJ had picked a juicy target for his discouragement tactics; an unsuspecting worship leader named Joe. Already depressed, Joe wasn't sure how the service had gone this Sunday. Things seemed rough, the musicians weren't "on" and the song selection did not seem to be well received. And on top of all that, he had broken a guitar string... in each of their two services. RJ slithered up next to Joe and sat down. He whispered a few phrases in the worship leader's ear that he had been saving from last week with the pastor. That was all Joe needed. "Aw man", Joe sighed. "I can't believe how badly that turned out."

RJ loved this part. Well meaning, worship leader, so sure that he had blown it. The guy didn't understand the danger of judging something spiritual with natural emotions. "I know what you mean." RJ smiled. "I can't believe those people wouldn't clap their hand to that new song. Did they seem a bit unspiritual to you today?"

"Sure did!" Joe's head sunk lower. "It's like they couldn't feel the spirit moving! Maybe, I need to seek the Lord..."

"Why?" RJ countered quickly. "You know that it happens like this. They get up and come to church and let things like family and breakfast get in the way of their spirituality and worship. What's wrong with those people?" RJ signals to a friend across the room. The friend hurriedly shoves an old lady in Joe's direction. Responding to the nudge, she picks up steam and makes her way to Joe, her finger outstretched, her wig waving in the wind.

Insomniac...

"Insomnia is a sleep disorder characterised by an inability to sleep and/or to remain asleep for a reasonable period during the night. Sufferers typically complain of being unable to close their eyes or 'rest their mind' for more than a few minutes at a time. Insomnia is often caused by fear, stress and anxiety."

What? And all this time I thought it was caused by not watching the clock and trying to mix that last song right.... for the 15th time. But noooo. They have to go and get all medical on me and stuff.

In the words of Rex from Toy Story, "oh no! Now I have guilt!"

Why? Ok. For some of you this will almost be impossible to understand. But there once was a day that I believed that the word Christian and terms like "disorder", sickness, or illness could not be used in the same sentence. Not if you were a good Christian anyway. Real Christians don't worry. Real Christians don't fear. Real Christians don't have stress or anxiety. And real Christians don't get sick. Even if they have symptoms, it's not real. So to call myself an insomniac is a like grabbing the wheel of my ship of faith and running it aground. Land Ho! I will have what I say so by saying this, I have created this for myself.

But I keep saying I want to be 6' 4" and I don't seem to get that. But if I say, I have a hard time sleeping at night, they say, "it's because you confessed it with your mouth." If I say to them, "You're an idiot." I wonder if I'll get that too!? How about, "Go jump in a lake." Will my ability to create reality with my tongue suddenly bring about an irresistable compulsion for them to find the nearest fresh water body and dive? Not yet it hasn't. And I confessed it reaaaaallllyyy hard. I don't understand that.

However, I do understand things like, "out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks." That's why David said, "Hear my cry... when my heart is overwhelmed...." I do understand, "the sick need a doctor". And Jesus asking the blind man, "what do you want?" Imagine his positive confession response: "Nothing. I can see really well. This is just a multitude of symptoms I've yet to overcome." If I believe I have need, I ask and receive. If I believe I have no lack, as some people teach today, then I am like Laodicea and the Pharisees and will not receive.

How did I get off on all that? Good night... I hope.

Gurus, Underoos, and Other Untouchables

(Ok, the post is really about consistency but I just liked that title...)

Battling the fierce icy winds, Brad wrestles his will into one last grasp...

He is there.... the top of the summit. And directly ahead sits, the great Ali Baba, the wise mountain man, (originally part of the Village People).

"Great wise one"... Brad questions... Wait if he is so wise, why does he sit here in the cold wrapped in a just a blanket? Brad looks closer and notices an electric cord running back into the strange housing.

"Electric blanket" says Baba with a smile.

"Baba," Brad says through chattering teeth. "It is ok if I call you Baba, right?"

"Yes, my son. Since Ali has been taken by Muhammed."

"I feel like I lack consistency in my life." Baba smiles as Brad continues. "I don't even know if I can be consistent."

"Of course you can, son. Why are you here?"

Brad looks confused... " Uh I feel like I lack consistency..."

"No No No, my son. How did you get here?"

"I climbed."

"And what does climbing entail?"

"A lot of hard work. Basically one hand then the next then one foot etc." The light of wisdom begin to dawn.

Baba smiles again. "So then, you have consistency. You just need to apply it in the areas where it is lacking. To conquer this mountain, you had to move methodically, consistently, and with great determination. It will be the same for any mountain in your life."

"Wow! Thanks, Baba. I guess I knew that but didn't." Baba smiles, looks confused, shrugs his shoulders and then smiles again. "So, Baba, is everyone in your family this wise?"

"No my son. Gathering knowledge is forbidden in my culture. We are to only listen to the elders. I, however, chose to go a different way and was shunned by my family. As your country would say, I became the black sheep of the family."

"Baba, black sheep?" Brad smiles, looks confused, shrugs his shoulders and then smiles again.

Dream

Hey! You dreamers...

Wake up already...

Visions happen when you're awake. Dreams happen when you're asleep. It's funny that the scripture doesn't say without a dream people perish. It says without a vision. A dream comes about by a multitude of business. Obviously, we can't do that business in our sleep. So at some point we have to wake up and see the dream become a vision. When we make the vision plain, people will know how to run.

I have a song on this new CD coming out called "Dream". The paradox of one of the lines just got me. "Dream a big dream, won't you reach for the thing God has promised to you." Dream and reach? Hmmm... One implies receiving the instructions, the other implies using those instructions to build something. When they package things, they use the pretty picture on the box to give you the fortitude to struggle through the bag of pieces inside. "Someday", we say, "this will look like that picture." So that is why scripture says a dream comes about by a lot of hard work (paraphrase). If you're going to sit back and wait for it, bury your talents and wait for a reward, then maybe you'll get lucky. As for me, I have these five talents.... and a dream. Time to get to work.

Like Susan Lucci...

Sometimes when I get letters back from songwriting contests I feel like Susan Lucci...

Remember her? I'm bound to be spelling that name wrong. She's the soap opera queen who was constantly nominated for best actress or something, but never actually won. Interpretation: You're good, just not good enough.

I tend to place in the top ten of every contest I enter, which is awesome. Someday though, I hope I win. Does that sound unspiritual? Remember that next time you're rooting for your favorite team. However, not winning does not mean I suddenly crumble into a corner and cry either. I go out and do it again, taking valuable lessons and experience from each new step. I have learned a lot by not letting my pride get in the way of personal improvement. I take what's valid, leave the rest, improve and go for it again. In the meantime, I get to share the songs with all kinds of people.

Isn't that what Jesus said to the rich young ruler? All that stuff is good, but not good enough. Sell all you have... etc. I like that. You want heaven? Then figure out what it's worth to you! You want to know Me, then count the cost. And now, for those on this side of salvation's shore, we know we won't hear those word in relation to being saved. But in the daily work I do, is doing a good job becoming the enemy of being the best? I will not settle for that. I will work hard to do the best I can at the things I am called to do. Even if I don't get the award, I will know that I gave it my best effort.

By the way, has Susan won that award yet?

Stressed out for nothing...

Well go figure...

My mistake was a mistake. There was no mistake. Uh... wait... I was mistaken about being mistaken? Any way, after a little recalculation I realized that I had simply made a mistake. I guess you got that part didn't you. If you don't know what I'm talking about, read the previous blog.

Hmm... I'm sure there's something deep here... but I'm in studio, still working on songs sooooooo.... I will analyze it tomorrow... Wait... Isn't procrastination what got me into that spot in the first place?

Good night!

Counting The Cost... (a.k.a Doing the Scramble)

Some of you know what I mean...

Look at the checkbook, notice a missing number. Go to your balance sheet, and its not there either. Look at the online banking, and see it sitting in the pending column... the invisible charge. The rather large amount that somehow, never made it to the balance sheet or the check register. So you spent money thinking you had money and now this invisible monster that's come out of nowhere is about to teach you a lesson in subtraction. Nothing minus something equals negative something.

You can't give a little in faith hoping for a hundredfold blessing... because nothing times 100 equals zero. So what do you do?

You do the scramble.

A lot of prayer mixed with a lot of refiguring mixed with an occasional imitation of Wimpy from the old Popeye cartoons. " I will gladly pay you Tuesday..."

How did I get here again? The fine art of busyness. In fact, busyness is bad for business. It makes you inattentive. Double checking the books on Thursday would have made for a happier Monday. Of course, I don't worry too much. If it all comes down, then I have to learn my lesson and walk on. If I can't figure this out, I'll be ok. I don't know why, specifically, I say that. I guess I'm the eternal optimist, or drowning in denial. Either way, the scramble is on. I'll let you know how it turns out tomorrow.

Hello to Her First

It was such a small thing, but it meant so much to her.

I came home today. We had a great worship service. My Pastor is preaching an awesome service on overcoming hurts... not like Rob and Brooke. Hurts as in pain. (Inside Joke). After church we had rehearsal for an hour and a half, making my day from 6-3. A full schedule.

Usually, when I get home, I say hello to whoever is in the living room and just go around the house telling everybody hi. This time, I made my way straight to my where my wife was taking a short nap. (Be careful... What are you thinking?). I made it a point to say hello to her first and just spend some time with her. The kids came into the room a little later to ask their mom what time I would be home. Only to find me there lying on the bed watching TV with her. "We didn't know you were home." They said.

"That's because he spent time with me first." She said with a huge smile. Then the kids had a huge smile... And I had a huge smile... then I realized that they were smiling cause they were probably thinking what you were thinking a paragraph ago. Once we set them straight though, they said they were smiling because we got to spend some time together. Go figure. So I will work harder at spend time with my wife, even if it's doing what seems like such a simple thing as saying hello.

Taking On Water

So after all the rambling about the yellow light, I came face to face with one today.... and stopped. My wife was impressed. That's kind of sad. I don't know if she was impressed with my resolve or that I kept my word. I hope it was the first.

I helped with the move again today... This time my son went too. That was cool. I didn't make my 13 year old son go with me. I just mentioned that a family needed some help and he volunteered to go. And yet, when we ask him to take out the trash...

Anyway, what a great kid.

I drank a lot of water today, and some soda. I probably have drunk more water in the last two days than in the last two weeks, because I have been working hard out in the sun.

That makes sense. I can't imagine an athlete reaching for a Big Gulp full of Dr. Pepper during the big game. The harder the body works the more important something like water, gatorade, etc. becomes. Soda seems more popular during leisure times.

Ready for the super spiritual connection? Warning, this is deep water. Just kidding. Times have been tough lately and I have found myself reading the Bible more. I'm not spending so much time with the comic books, art or writing magazines. I know in this time that I need something more sustaining. I need water, fresh and cool. Maybe it's the fire of God, maybe it's the heat of the night. It may just be summertime and that's the way it is. Who knows? Either way, I'm thirsty.

Gotta go to bed...

Yellow Lights and Deep Thoughts

Rushing to help a friend move last night, I was confronted with a whole bunch of yellow lights. Not like aliens or anything...yellow stop lights. Red means stop. Green means go. And yellow means... "Are you feeling lucky, punk?"

I felt real lucky. Especially with the cop sitting on the other side as I sailed past a (thank God) longer yellow light than usual. Justification? Going to help a friend.

This morning my Bible study was in Mark 3-5. At first I felt proud of myself after reading that story about healing on the sabbath. I was like Jesus. He would have ran yellow lights to help a friend. But then the super spiritual side of me that was obviously in denial realized the truth. I run yellow lights no matter what the situation is. That's bad.

As a father, husband, worship leader, musician, graphic artist, and whatever else... I find myself doing that too. Yellow does not mean hurry up. It means caution. Slow down and be prepared to stop.

I was working on a song this morning for final mixdown and realized that I had rushed past a couple of things early in the process that were now giving me trouble. Problem is, it was in the foundation of the mix. Way at the bottom. I had to tear things up to fix it. And had to redo all kinds of stuff.... All because when I first heard the problem I brushed past it and thought I could fix it later.

Maybe that's why I don't sleep. A long time ago when I was younger, maybe I brushed past something... something that didn't seem to be important. Some yellow light that said slow down, caution. And I said, "I'm feeling lucky!" and ran it. Maybe I missed something I would have seen. The crazy thing about taking chances though... eventually you will get caught by a yellow light that turns red. And at that point you will be caught in a intersection with cars coming at you from other directions and/or flashing red lights. At that point, what was the point of running all those other lights? Oh yeah... super spiritual... God told me too..., no... I had a friend in need... no... How about this. I have a rebellious streak in me that likes to peak out every once in a while by running yellow lights, listening to music on 11, going more than 20 miles over the speed limit, etc. It's adventurous, cool, thrilling, dangerous and wrong. What was the point again? I got lost there for a second. My deep thought began taking me under....

So, I will try not to run yellow lights anywhere. And as for the ones I'm already used to running, I guess I have to go back to those foundations and tear them up and relay them. That sounds awful.... But the song sounds great now... Hmmm.

Caving in...

I finally did it. I caved. Here it is! The Ramblings of a Christian Insomniac Musician. I wanted to call it the "Confessions...etc." but then you would expect me to confess something. Something really bad like, "I watch Seinfeld" or I was once a Kazaa user. Not going to happen much.

What will happen? Well, first, I will get teased by all those friends who have blogs and told me it was the latest hip thing. They'll say, what took you so long. Then I'll be teased by all those friends who don't like blogs.

So we start... but first remember to offer up prayers for London...which sounds like the name of a band...

Part I: The Ramble:
So I did not win the Contemporary Christian Music International contest. Nope. No sir. I spent most of the morning thinking about that today. Maybe that's why I haven't been sleeping. It's such a scary thing to be a musician sometimes. A lot of your life is spent trying to get people to like what you do, or maybe like you without changing what you do or who you are. Artistic integrity versus trying to sell tapes... uh CDs. Is it really that hard to do both? I love when people say, I'm going to do my music and I don't care what people think. Liars... they're all liars! They don't care what certain people think... but they do care what the people they respect think. I care what people think. I may not change what I do because of what you think, but I do care.

Part II: The Daily:
I helped my friend Cris move last night, got home around 11:30... p.m. - I called my wife on the way home and she mentioned that someone came up to the door and rang the doorbell a few minutes before I called. But no one was at the door when she got there.

So I drove faster. Much faster.

I drove the neighborhood to see if someone was just wandering, but there was no one. How funny! I go to work at EARLY in the morning and there are people walking around. But no one at Midnight. Hmmm. I locked all the windows and doors and went to bed. Kind of scary!