Weird Thought for the Day...

What happens if everyone takes the road less travelled?

Locked out and locked in with Larry

As Job said, "the thing that I have feared has come upon me."

I sat and stared at my keys. They were glistening in the sun. The glass from the window added to their silver charm. It was a beautifully serene scene only marred by the fact my keys were in the ignition on the other side of the glass and I was locked out.

All I could here was that "Here's your sign" song playing in my head.

I tried everything I had seen before (hanger, sticks, prayer) except cursing. I've never tried that but I've seen others do it and it's not very effective. I finally went inside and started ask if any body had a slim jim (I really didn't want to be doing the lock smith thing.) No luck. So I went back outside.

Suddenly, Larry, one of the guys in the plant, ran outside. He walked right up to the van and began working on unlocking it. Within 1 minute he had the locks popped with no damage to the car. I was sooooooooooooo grateful. "Thanks!" I told him.

"No, thank you!" He replied. I was a tad confused.

"For what?"

"All those times you've helped me when I needed it." I suddenly had flashbacks of helping him with computers, with being on the phone with his daughter at UT Austin acting as tech support for her freshman year. I smiled inside because I really didn't remember all these things until now. I had no tally so I had never tried to remind him of all I had done. Christians should be helpful... people should be helpful. That's how my parents raised me and what I believe is one of the lessons in the Bible. Now, here he was running to my rescue. He had been keeping a tally, and it was his chance to help me. By simply being kind and helpful, I was somehow locked into his thinking to the point that he ran out to help me too. I began to examine my life and pray that I had been an example worth remembering.

We can preach all we want. We can cry, scream and turn blue. But sometimes it just comes down to basic needs and kindness. Before I preach another sermon, I'm going to try to be a sermon that my friends can read. Not a profound revelation, but definitely productive one.

Free Will, Aetheist and Words That End in "ic"

So the guy says to me, "I don't believe in God!"
And I thought, "Definitely an atheistic point of view."

"...And I don't believe in free will", he continued.
And I thought, "A calvinistic atheistic point of view? Wow!"

"Let me tell you what I think!", he said.
And I thought, "An evangelistic, calvinistic atheistic point of view! Wow!"

He went on. "What kind of a choice is 'do what I say or die?' That's not free will. What kind of a choice is that?"
And I thought, "A pessimistic, fatalistic, evangelistic, calvinistic, atheistic point of view."

I notice that atheists spend a lot of time being mad at someone they don't believe in.

Back to our story already in progress...

I responded. "Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better." Caught him completely off guard. Then I responded to his confusion. "So free will is only free will if both choices are good? What if I said to my son you can take the car but wear your seat belt and drive safely, and he doesn't. If uses his free will to drive 120, hits a wet spot and loses control, he might die. Can the father be blamed because the children don't listen to his explanation and get hurt? Why does it have to be two good choices? That's not free will."

The guy is not dumb and is very sincere. I can tell he was contemplating my argument. Then he changed the subject. Then he changed directions and walked away. My prayer is that he was changed in some small way. Maybe open in some small way to the Truth. Don't know, but I pray for him all the time.

So I guess you can say that I'm optimistic about my pessimistic, fatalistic, evangelistic, calvinistic, atheistic friend. I hope he never gets into magic or new age. I'd hate to add sadistic mystic to the listic.... I mean, to the list.

Top Ten Things... List 1 - Weird Thoughts of the Day

Here are my top ten weird thoughts of the last day...

10. I have trouble playing in the key of C# (C sharp), and I wear glasses. Are these things related?

9. Am I taller after I "stretch"? Or does it all just snap back into place and I'm still just as short as before?

8. God doesn't have to love me... He chooses to.

7. Why is the "e" silent in the word Friends? Couldn't they have just spelled it Frinds? It may have ruined that old McDonalds commercial but that's a small price to pay to not keep mispelling that word.

6. What came first, the chicken or the pig? Eggs or bacon?

5. Who was the first person to decide that food would taste better if you threw it on the fire?

4. Why do Superman and Batman wear their underwear on the outside? Whose idea was that? Spiderman and Captain America don't! And by the way, why does Batman need a belt to hold up full body tights?

3. Ok, There's braille on the buttons at the ATM drive thru. Even if a blind guy walks up and uses the buttons, how can he read what's on the screen?

2. If you put an raw egg in a cup of coke, it will hard boil the egg. And we drink this? Is this another way to do Easter eggs?

1. My headache medication has "headaches" listed as one of the side effects.

God's Waiting Room (or "Finally relating to something in the Song of Solomon besides the mushy stuff...")

Ok, no story this time.

So here I sit in God's waiting room. I thought my number was 696, but I had it upside down - 969. So I thought I was next only to find out that I still have a ways to go. It was that horrible four letter word that we all hate to hear... WAIT.

By the Spring of 2006, I wanted to be walking into my first official classroom as the teacher. I've been the student most of my life. But thanks to some last minute surprises (thanks OU for not hurrying with those transcripts!). I will have to... WAIT.

I have my bag full of scriptures about waiting... Let's see... "all things work together..., let patience have her perfect work..., those who wait upon the Lord... your hair is like a flock of goats..." Wait, where did that come from? How'd the Song of Solomon get into my book of relevant scriptures on patience? What does that book have to do with waiting and wanting something really bad?... Oh yeah.... that's right. Forgot about that... Talk about wanting something real bad! Those characters can make you blush! But I get it.

So it's not a girl I'm after. (My wife is happy about that.) I can still relate with having to wait for something your heart desires. Maybe I haven't given that book a lot of credit. I think I'll go read it again... I just gotta make it through all that mushy stuff! Haven't those people ever heard of coodies? I guess instead of get a room, someone told them to get a book.... book a room? Whatever... If you didn't get it, just wait a while. It'll come to you.

The Misadventures of Rambling John: Episode 3 - In Due Season

Episode 3

"Mr. Joe?" A teenager had forced her way through the crowd of complainers. Eventually, her parents found her and stood by her side. "Mr. Joe, we just wanted to tell you how much we love and appreciate you. Yesterday, I was on the edge of making a bad decision..." The parents began to tear up. "I was lonely." The teenager continued. "I didn't feel I had a friend in the world. To make a long story short, I went to the bathroom and found some pills. I could almost hear the voices in my head saying, no one cares.. no one cares... But then... " she pauses and smiles. "Then I began to hear something else... a song in my heart... 'who am I that you are mindful of me, that you hear me when I call?' I recognized it. It was that Friend of God song you like so much that you sing over and over. "

RJ suddenly realizes that something in the tone of the voices had changed. What was going on? He opens his eyes only to be surrounded by an entire squad of armed angels. And every sword was pointed at him. "Don't move." charged the lead angel. RJ didn't move. But he could hear. And what he heard was weeks of work wearing down this worship leader going down the toilet!

"I started singing," she continued..."the only part I could really remember... I am a friend of God... He calls me friend. And I started to cry so I sung it again... and again and again for over an hour. When my parents came home, they found me lying on the floor of my room, crying and singing with a spilled bottle of pills to the left of me. I had realized that I had a friend and that He loved me. So I asked him o make the words real to me. To be my friend. To come into my heart. And he did. I'm different.. changed. I sometimes still feel the loneliness, but I know that He is there. The parents and teenager moved closeer and hugged Joe with a power that touched everyone around them. One by one the congregation began to hold Joe and the family until a large football huddle of a crowd had gathered in the center of the room.

The lead angel smiled at RJ. "I'm guessing that this wasn't part of your plan?" RJ just stared back at him and hissed.

"Why do you guys always show up? I almost had him! He would have been bitter! Quit the ministry! Stopped doing music. Blamed the church! It would have been a glorious victory. But instead I've been defeated by you." In response, all the angels began laughing! "What's so funny?" RJ screams.

"You weren't defeated by us!"

"Oh really," RJ stares at the very big gleaming broadsword currently aimed at his own face. "Well, tell me what defeated me then."

The angels all glance over their shoulders at the tearful crowd holding the young teenage girl and her family and the once discouraged worship leader. "You were defeated by a kind word... in due season." He smiles at the young teenager..." And a child shall lead them..."

The Misadventures of Rambling John: Episode 2 - In Due Season

"Young man!!!! Young man!!!! " Joe groaned as she rushed to him, stopping nearly nose to nose. "That music was too loud, too fast and too new. I like the familiar stuff, son. It's like a warm blanket. Stop singing those new songs and 'give me that old time religion!'

"But the scripture says to sing a new song..."

"We're not talking scripture son! We're talking worship service. Don't be talking doctrine to me. I can't feel doctrine! And I can't feel the spirit when you do those new songs. Those old songs are like..."
Episode 2

"... A warm blanket... yes maam, I know." She heads off in a huff, leaving Joe even more depressed than before. RJ ushers more people towards Joe. "No, ma'am, I didn't realize the music was so loud. Yes sir, I do check out these songs in scripture. Yes, I like hymns, and we do do them from time to time. No, we can't turn the guitars up louder and rock the house..."

RJ rolls on the floor laughing with delight. Soon Joe will be covered in the muck and the mire of ohers and he'll carry that frustration and pain home, and pour it on his wife and kids until the entire situation... stinks. The thought doubles him over with laughter.

"My name is RJ," he giggles to himself, "And I specialize in spreading crap. And at this rate, this guys walk with the Lord will be in the toilet. He'll be so mad at the congregation, that he won't want to lead them in worship. Or if he does, he will do it with resentment, anger and frustration. That will transfer across the spiritual connection, tot he worship team, the church, his family.... And if I can do this just right, I might even be able to get him to fuss and yell at the congregation for "not worshipping right!" and rush the resentment along like the roaring rapids of a river! What a glorious day! He starts singing "Another One Bites the Dust" while trying to catch his breath and wipe the tears from his eyes. He slaps himself on the back with pride. And that is probably why RJ never saw it coming.

The Misadventures of Rambling John: Episode 1 - In Due Season

Rambling John, the demonic Department Head of the Gossip, Slander and Discouragement Division of WAC (Whiners And Complainers.) wears his nickname proudly. Originally named John Toadstool, he began ascending (descending?) the ladder of power at WAC. His ruthlessness and efficiency earned him the moniker "Rambling John" because, like a overflowing port-a-potty rocking on the back of a flatbed trailer, he was good at taking other people's crap and throwing it everywhere.

He was still basking in the glow of last weeks accomplishments in Big "D" Texas. Playing on the weakness of several parishioners, he had managed to drive a pastor into early retirement. Think of it, all that wisdom and experience out on a fishing boat in the gulf instead of in the church watering the immature. Wonderful!

This time RJ had picked a juicy target for his discouragement tactics; an unsuspecting worship leader named Joe. Already depressed, Joe wasn't sure how the service had gone this Sunday. Things seemed rough, the musicians weren't "on" and the song selection did not seem to be well received. And on top of all that, he had broken a guitar string... in each of their two services. RJ slithered up next to Joe and sat down. He whispered a few phrases in the worship leader's ear that he had been saving from last week with the pastor. That was all Joe needed. "Aw man", Joe sighed. "I can't believe how badly that turned out."

RJ loved this part. Well meaning, worship leader, so sure that he had blown it. The guy didn't understand the danger of judging something spiritual with natural emotions. "I know what you mean." RJ smiled. "I can't believe those people wouldn't clap their hand to that new song. Did they seem a bit unspiritual to you today?"

"Sure did!" Joe's head sunk lower. "It's like they couldn't feel the spirit moving! Maybe, I need to seek the Lord..."

"Why?" RJ countered quickly. "You know that it happens like this. They get up and come to church and let things like family and breakfast get in the way of their spirituality and worship. What's wrong with those people?" RJ signals to a friend across the room. The friend hurriedly shoves an old lady in Joe's direction. Responding to the nudge, she picks up steam and makes her way to Joe, her finger outstretched, her wig waving in the wind.