Future So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades

Larry: "I can't see! I can't see!"
Moe:"What's the matter?"
Larry:"I've got my eyes closed..."

So the doctor says to me, you have vision damage from glaucoma. I didn't know what to say. I was quiet. I still am, really. I knew I had to speak to the youth that night and I knew that my wife was waiting for me to discuss how I felt. So I waited... waited for a feeling. Which one, I'm not sure. I wanted to my faith to rise up and make some bold declarations about "whose report I would believe" and other KJV based songs that somehow sound sooooo spiritual...

I sauntered back out to the receptionist, made small talk, laughed, etc. And then I stepped outside.

Did I mention they had dialated my eyes?

LIGHT! It hurt! Pain... from light. I froze. Not another step.... I couldn't see where I was going. My wife ran inside, got some of those funny makeshift shades that you put on your glasses. Now I looked as silly as I felt. Standing on the sidewalk, trying to see through the pain and the blur. And once the shades were on, everything was dark and blurry, but I could see to move forward. I got in the car, wanting to say something, but finding nothing that fit. So I said nothing.

I went to church, shared the message. Helped some people, before and after services. And then came to work, sat down and got quiet. Quiet.... And I thought about the pain of stepping outside earlier... the shock... and the lesson that I didn't get until now.

Sometimes, when we get truth, it's not some nice comfortable blanket that suddenly wraps around us and makes us happy. Sometimes it hits us like Paul and knocks us to the ground. And we sit stunned by a change of events. At that point, we choose. We walk forward, guessing where we are going, risking the danger of unnecessary suffering, or we can stop. Stop and wait. God may have another person bringing us what we need to make the next step like my wife did. We want to "press on" when God is telling us to be still. We want to try to face the brightness of knowing everything about a situation, when God is trying to show us the mercy of "seeing through a glass darkly".

I don't know what the future holds with this vision stuff. I will stay on treatment. I will believe in healing. But most of all, I will wait, trust and hope in God. For now I see through a glass darkly (and blurrily too!). But I know that He always sees clearly, and I follow Him.

And then I can be in the light as He is the light, and my futures' so bright, I gotta wear shades!

Life Interpreted? - Part 2

Back to Groucho.

I wish people could take words at face value. Even when symbolism is involved, you have to admire people who say, "Are you saying I have to go back into my mother's womb and be born a second time?" Talk about the ultimate stupid question. But Nicodemus asked it. And he got an answer. His question showed that he didn't plan on walking away and trying to interpret what the meaning behind Jesus' words were. He wasn't willing to bet his life on what he thought Jesus meant. He asked the dumb question for clarity.

When Jesus said, "eat my flesh and drink my blood", he lost most of his disciples... and they never really questioned or pressed him for clarity. The ones that stayed and asked the possibly dumb questions got to sit at the table for the first communion. Those who didn't, walked away and chose to live life interpreted instead of clarified.

So I have decided to ask dumb questions and say obvious things. "Did you mean...?" "Why did you..." "Is it that you don't like me?" And because I have done that, I have "communion" with some people who I originally thought didn't like me.

People say I am sometimes tactfully tactless (as one friend put it). That's ok. If we are going to break bread together, live life together, I will ask you dumb questions and I expect dumb questions from you. And though they may frustrate me or my friends and family like Nicodemus and Jesus, we will have answers. We will either be honest or lie, but we will have answers, not assumptions from the voices of our past.

Let others gather secretly like Pharisees to discuss what was "meant by that". We won't have to live our lives by braille, feeling around for nuances and intentions. I refuse to live life by interpretation.

Life Interpreted? - Part 1

"PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER"

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."

"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."

"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies."

"An apprentice mortician? What, do you only bury live people?"

Groucho Marx of the game show "You Bet Your Life" and the famous Marx Brothers was best known for "saying things that he never said". Many times things he said were interpreted not quoted. "Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted." he would say.

We say what we mean, and yet somehow, people hear what they think; attaching our voices to their own thoughts. It's very strange. Maybe that's why we have four gospels and why so much of the Bible is written by so many different people, not one man's private interpretation.

I can almost hear the conversations between the angels in heaven. Why not just give the book to one guy, and let him live forever teaching everyone. (Warning, the following angelic conversation is fictional. It has not been delivered to me by an angel or dropped off by aliens.) Can you hear the angels saying...

THE TEXT OF THIS CONVERSATION HAS BEEN REMOVED... IT IS NOT FOR HUMAN VIEWING SO IT NEEDS TO BE SEALED FOR RIGHT NOW. MY APOLOGIES - ANONYMOUS ALIEN ANGEL

One gospel message? Yes. One gospel presentation? Which one? Luke may have been too technical, Matthew and Mark too traditional and John, too poetic and out there. But throw in writers from different cultures, perspectives, ages, times, seasons, etc. And you have a rounded, more balanced view than other belief whose whole thesis is based on writings handed down to one man from angels or aliens (OR ANGELIC ALIENS - TEXT ADDED BY ANONYMOUS ALIEN ANGEL).

Part 2 added soon...

Nice to hear...

Sometimes it's just nice to know people care.

In a funk from some things that happened last week, I posted "sad" as the way I was feeling on my myspace page. Then, I took an internet vacation to play with my iphone. No myspace for a while.

When I logged back in a few days later, I had been bombarded with messages from friends and family from all over the south (and one overseas) asking me if "everything's ok?", "what's wrong?", "are you feeling alright?", and a host of other questions. I even had a few phone messages. And I think someone told my mom.

That's amazing. It's like, wow, people care.

I do believe that. I may, at times, become the melancholy introspective artistic type. I rarely ever say woe is me... (BTW was was the name of King David's horse? - Let me know if you want the punchline.) But I do wrestle at times with feeling alone in the middle of a crowd. And God always seems to remind me somehow through kind words from friends.

So to all those who asked. I'm fine. Just a momentary struggle with my melancholic tendencies. And I know you care about me, but sometimes it is just nice to hear...

The Big.. Big Picture

I have a reputation... I don't like spending money on myself. So this was hard for me... ;-)

We received money for Christmas that we were supposed to spend on something fun. So...

We decided that since we haven't ever spent money on ourselves for something fun, we were going to go out and buy a TV. Ours was going out and our other one wasn't digital (yes, that old). So we thought, lets get a TV... Lost and 24 will be starting soon.

We went to Frye's and almost choked on the prices. But we were determined to buy a 32-42 inch TV.

But!!!!!!! They were having a short sale. 20 65" Toshiba TVs were being released for almost 50% off. Yes... that's what I said. It was only $100 dollars more than some of the 42" TVs.

To make this long story short, I have a 65 inch television in my house.

To those waiting for this to sound spiritual, ok, here we go. Joel Osteen's head has never looked so big and his voice is very clear. How's that?

For those who think the television is a time stealing, time wasting one-eyed devil, I say, you can send yours to our house and we'll lay hands on it. When we're through, it may only play TBN, Daystar, SkyAngel, TV Land, Fox News, and movies made by Carman or Richard Crouch.

For those who know me well, yes, the Transformers movie looks absolutely incredible on that screen.

And for those who know me best, yes, I have spent more time trying to clean the living room of all the cardboard boxes and styrofoam pieces than I have spent watching the TV.

But "24", Lost and American Idol start soon... and I have a front row seat.