Pieces from the Past?... This post is long and may get me in trouble!

Just when you start to think you're above it all...

I am amazed at the strong personal reaction I had to this picture that someone had left on my desktop. There were so many ways to take this image, but something inside me was bothered by the white pawn standing over the black king.

It reminded me of a recent foray into Applebees in Waxahachie, TX. As I walked through the door, the quick glances in my direction made me immediately and painfully aware of the lack of black people (excuse me, African Americans... sheesh!) in the restaurant. My wife, who is white, probably never noticed until I mentioned it, but I found myself tensing up ever so slightly. I was shocked by my own nervousness as I sat there eating my food and feeling that someone was staring at me (and I am pretty sure some of them were... but probably more as a point of interest not a target of violence or anything). It's so amazing! At one point, I thought to myself, "If these people decided that they wanted to hurt me, I would have no way out." I was completely caught off guard by what suddenly ran through my head. Maybe it was too many movies like "The Great Debaters" (a classic to see, but hard to watch). I remembered being in a small Texas town on a church staff retreat a few years ago. One of the ministers who used to live in that town, encouraged me (warned me) to not go out walking alone. This guy is an awesome person who I would trust with my life. So when he said not to go wandering alone, I did not! He understood and knew that I would as well.

However, the question I asked myself when I saw this chess piece image was simple. Did the frequency of these events (only black person in the room) increase or has my sensitivity to it increased because of the whole Obama thing. No matter what people say, race is a part of this race. How many times in the past presidential elections have you ever heard anyone say, "I'm not going to vote for him just because he's white, hispanic, mormon, jewish, catholic, etc." I'm sure it's happened but it's probably never been such a national topic of conversation.

Even at my church, where there are other black and mixed couples, I recently had that feeling that I have rarely had before. Maybe it's because I am usually up on stage, leading the music with so much on my mind that I don't have time to think about it. I am there before others get there and after most people leave. But today, playing bass for the worship leader who is currently serving there, I looked out and had that momentary, strange feeling of aloneness... I could almost hear that old Sesame Street song... (One of these things is not like the other.) I looked around at the few other black people in the room and wondered if they had ever felt this way. I know some have. But I was afraid that asking the question would bring an awareness not previously felt. So I backed away.

Now to clear some things up. Because, and I know this happens, many of my non-black friends who read this will wonder exactly what I mean. Do I not feel loved? Do I not feel important? Do I feel discriminated against? Do I want to vote for Obama deep down inside just to make me feel more African American? A resounding no to all. Just a realization I still have those moments, a flash reaction like the one with the image. A sudden awareness that sneaks up on you, jumps out and screams "boo". That crazy moment when you realize the clerk at the store is still following and watching you in your polo shirt and slacks rather than the white kid on the other side of the store who's dressed like a gangsta and looks like he may be about to rob the place. That feeling that someone might, not has, not will, but might look at you and use a derogatory term. Or that if you get into a debate about being for Obama, you will be written off, not as intelligently disagreeing, but as just another part of the racial herd mentality. These things may never happen, but you know they have. You've seen it, felt it, been it... and you're afraid it's going to happen again. I'm sure it's not just a black thing either. I'm sure everyone has their moments like this. But then again, in some ways the black experience is a unique one.

By the way... I sent the chess photo to some friends and mentioned it bothering me. One person replied that it was a standard chess photo, however, if it was intended to be, then it could definitely be seen as offensive. I can definitely see that. But then I wondered, is this really a standard photo? I wondered if there were images that showed black pieces as the winner over the white ones? I was curious so I googled "chess" and "checkmate" and looked at the various images of pieces in defeat (I included them below and throughout the blog). I found that, in professional photography, if the pieces were black and white, the winner was almost always the white piece. Remember, I did not pick and choose these photos. I just grabbed what I saw. And I am NOT saying that these photos and photographers are racists. I am just making an observation (one that many black kids in America may be making unconsciously and wondering what's going on). As for the one photo I found where the black piece is the winner, that image was created by someone in another country... Hmmmm...